The End of All Things...sort of...

The end of a semester or school term is always a really interesting time for me. On the one hand, I feel very stressed and under the gun, thanks to all the papers, projects, and tests to complete, in order to ensure that I did, indeed, learn something. When I think about all of these things, I start to feel claustrophobic. Every year, it seems that there is more to do and harder papers, projects, and tests than the previous semesters, which I suppose only makes sense since I'm only getting older and more advanced in my education.

However, something that is also interesting to me is that as I get older and begin more difficult scholastic endeavors, I also find that my stress level and nervousness about upcoming events decreases as well. This week, I have 3 finals, a piano recital, about 240 papers to grade for work, and two concerts this weekend, plus 2 dress rehearsals for said concerts on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Honestly, there are simply not enough hours in the week to get it all done. And yet, I feel strangely relaxed about it. I've been wondering why I've felt so relaxed, and in D&C today it hit me: I think I'm learning to see the bigger picture. Yes, doing well in school is very important to me. I used to be a perfectionist and refuse to accept the possibility that I might get a "B" in one of my classes. But in the grand scheme of things, grades really don't matter that much. I know that they are important for grad school and further education, but in the long run, what happens will happen, and Heavenly Father will make it all work out. I was talking with a friend the other day, and she said that she can't stand to get B's or even A-'s because she can't stand the thought of not doing her best on school. When she said that, it rubbed me the wrong way--I disagreed, but I wasn't sure why. As I've done some thinking about it, I guess it's because I believe that while my best efforts in schoolwork could theoretically bring the "A" grade I desire, while I am busy earning my A's, I could miss out on other things that are equally, if not more important for my growth. To me, it's not worth sacrificing good health or being flexible enough to do what I feel is most important with my time.

Now, don't get me wrong--right now, other than my relationships with Heavenly Father, my family, and few close friends, school is the biggest, most important, all-consuming aspect of my life, and sometimes, it even precludes the relationships with my family and friends. I spend most evenings (unless I have a prior committment, which is rare) and spare time studying. I'm known to often read a book while walking to and from classes, because I can't stand to waste the 10 minutes in walking time. It's not that school is low on my priority list--I guess it's just that I don't worry about the numbers and letters that supposedly "measure" my learning. I know that if I am trying my best to learn, and I give it my very best effort within reason, Heavenly Father will bless me. If I get a B or two and can't get into the very best grad school program I was hoping to get into, He'll make it okay, and it'll all work for my good. He loves me, and He wants me to succeed.

Now, to come full circle: I realized this in D&C today because we were talking about the ordinances of the temple. As I was thinking about the implications of achieving my eternal potential and becoming how Father needs me to be for eternity, I re-realized that that is why grades don't matter. That is why I can relax, do my very best, struggle through and do everything in my power to succeed as best I can, and then He will make up the difference. "It is not requisite that [I] should run faster than [I have] strength," after all. In the next life, Heavenly Father won't care whether or not I got good grades, but He will care that I trusted Him. Instead of taking everything upon myself to make me succeed by my own strength, I can just trust Him. What a beautiful idea. I don't, none of us has to worry, because we can just trust Him to give us the rest we seek and believe in His power to do so. I love this gospel. :)

That's the way it is. Now what are you going to do about it?

This weekend, my sister Sharon came to visit me. It was so, so fun to have her here. And as fun as it would be to give a travel log of everything that we did, I'm actually not going to do that. But while she was here, we had some really good conversations about a plethora of different things. (Yes, I did just say plethora. I like that word.)

In one of these conversations, we were discussing how often people get upset at situations that are less than ideal. We tend to blame other people for a situation that we don't like or are uncomfortable with, and a lot of times, we aren't willing to do anything about it to change it. Then we looked at people who seem to be in control of their lives, who don't get angry about stupid little things, and what the difference was between the two. And you know, the difference is just in the attitude. Having an attitude of complaining or criticism about people or things does not do any good. The people that I know that are most in control of their lives don't get wrapped up in their little frustrations. They seem to take the attitude of, "Well, that's just the way it is. Now what am I going to do about it?" It seems so simple. And really, everyone knows that it doesn't do any good to complain and whine. Taking the proactive attitude and refusing to let yourself be acted on is so much better--but we all do it from time to time anyway.

We talked about this the other day in D&C. We were talking about when to give and receive advice, and in the course of the conversation, someone said, "You know, it's easy to serve people you like. What about when you rub against people?" Since no one is perfectly happy with anyone else all the time, we just kind of have to figure out that disagreements and frustrations and annoyances are going to arise. The key is, what do we do when we do rub against people like that? What do I do when I'm starting to be critical of other people? It's an interesting thought. And what we do in these situations is extraordinarily revealing about our character, I think.

That's just the way it is. Now what are we going to do about it?